


Try This

by TazedandConfused (LoveMink)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor - All Media Types
Genre: And His Career in Music Videos Brought You This, And biceps, Blame his face, F/M, Jeremy Renner - Freeform, SHIP DARCY WITH ALL THE THINGS, Trouble by P!nk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-23
Updated: 2014-03-23
Packaged: 2018-01-16 16:41:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1354384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveMink/pseuds/TazedandConfused
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy Lewis was pretty patient but impatient enough to break into S.H.E.I.L.D headquarters when they did not return her iPod in a timely manner. The jack-booted thugs don't scare her.</p><p>But one is hot enough to make her think twice, not matter how much trouble she is.</p><p>Based on the music video Trouble by P!nk, in which Jeremy Renner will seduce you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. No Attornies

**Author's Note:**

> Maybe it;s Jeremy Renner in a P!nk video or maybe its my obsessions with song fics at the moment. I don;t know whats wrong with me, ANyway this will prbably have like two chapters, I'll post the second tonight.

 

> _No attorney to plead my case._
> 
> _No opiate to send me into outer space_

In hindsight, it was pretty stupid. But hindsight had a shitty way of coming after you’ve done something stupid.

Darcy Lewis liked to think of herself as a woman with morals and an average amount of patience. Throughout the jack-booted thugs who had taken Jane’s research and then later her blond hunk of what would become Jane’s love interest in the scheme of things, she’d remained generally calm. But even now, after the Destroyer had shown up and fucked up Pointe Antigua, they were slow to return everything

The research was the first thing to come back, then personal objects. But not her iPod. Darcy’s patience had just about run out. So, she decided to take the law into her own hands. Fuck the red tape, fuck the bureaucrats. If political science had taught her anything, it was that bureaucrats were great bullshitters and fucking filibusters, but her iPod with the personalized playlists by d _ay for fucksakes_ turned her into an outlaw.

It shouldn’t have been as easy as it was. Sure she was trouble most of the time, but it was _so easy._ She’d dressed in all black to try to hide herself. The tightest black skinny jeans, combat boots that had seen months of her antics and a tight black V-neck seemed pretty good to break into a government agency that focused on security. She strapped on her trusty Taser and drove to the white-tented base that was supposed to be their base of operations.

Thor had done it, and now she could see how the boisterous lovable man had snuck in. It wasn’t raining and the temperature had dropped so she grabbed the black hoodie from the trunk and snuck around outside the gate. The easiest port of entry was a trash shoot but that was a bit more than she was willing to do. The white tents were heavily guarded but, not all of them. There was one that seemed loosely guarded and she was able to slip under the back wall. Hah. Jack-booted Thugs :0, Darcy:1. This wasn’t so hard. Maybe she had a career in espionage waiting on her

The tent was a uniform hub apparently, or at least a lost and found. Hey, jack-booted thugs seemed to have female agents on hand because the cat suit she saw could in no way be for men. Fuck it. She slid into the cat suit and had to admit, it made her feel a lot sneakier and sexier. Like it was meant for it or something. She put her boots back on but, left her other clothes. It seemed clear enough and she walked out of the tent with no problem. But then she faced the hallways upon hallways upon hallways and _ugh!_ Fine, she could do this. She quickly walked down one hall, seeing other agents who nodded at her and she nodded back. Jack-booted thugs were pretty stupid. Even with their guns.

Luck, or maybe some god of luck or the guy who saw all, Himdoll or something must have been watching because the evidence locker was marked so and unlocked. She snickered as she entered and frowned at all the boxes. Damn, this would be a long night.

* * *

 

After three hours of searching, the IPod had been stored in a box all the way at the bottom. Bastards hadn’t even kept Louise charged. Bastards. Now it was time to make a quick getaway which should have been easy, considering she'd gotten the goods but one wrong step down a hallway brought her face to face with a man who looked a bit unimpressed but curious, which how the fuck he did it she’d never know.

Those biceps though. They were impressive. He’s the kind of man you think you should see in the army. Stocky and well-built, but with the face of a hardass. Goddamn that black shirt that got to be painted around his body. And those regulation-looking pants were so sinful wrapped around what looked to be powerful thighs. Bet he got a lot of thrust power. Bad Darcy! No sexy thoughts about a jack-booted thug. There were more pertinent things at hand, like her escape. She unzipped the jumpsuit a bit and slid her iPod into a safe place, God’s third and fourth pockets, her bra.

“So, I’m guessing we’re not gonna be able to just talk this out?” She went for casual badassery, hoping he wouldn’t see just how fresh and new and fucking nervous she was about her new plans to getaway.

“No. You kind of snuck into a government organization; I’m going to have to take you in for questioning.” That baritone just wasn’t right. There was no way that should come from a man who wasn’t trying to get her panties off on purpose. Damn it Darcy! Concentrate! Worry about your lady bits later.

“Well sorry, you can’t take me for a ride” said the saucy little brunette as she turned and ran like hell. She tried to recall her times in track, from her mother suggesting she make normal friends, and the stint in martial arts, daddy claiming his baby girl needed to be safe, knowing she would need it. Somehow, running seemed like a better idea then talking this out, but fuck it she was an outlaw.

The running was uninterrupted by barriers for a good minute before she was swamped by jack-booted thugs. Damn them and their ability to cock-block her always. She tried to slip past them and when that didn’t work and they grabbed her, she squirmed in their grasp and tried to punch and kick her way out. That worked for like two of them, who weren’t ready for the level of fight she had. A kick to the nose then the chest could stun you, but to the one guy that made the mistake of grabbing her arm wrong, she introduced her foot to his jewels with extreme prejudice. Maybe the part about them being studded was good to add in. When he went down, but didn’t let loose of her arm, she grabbed her Taser and gave him a good shot.

See, she’d been doing well, and then she remembered she’d only had brought one cartridge. Fuck. And sinful-biceps-and-thighs guy was coming up fast. She did what she could, kicking and throwing kind of sloppy punches and he had her down and cuffed in less than 30 seconds. It was kind of humiliating, the way he sat on her ass then cuffed her as she squirmed on the floor.

“Good job, Barton," said another voice as she was hauled to her feet and brought to a tent with glass walls while he was forced to sit in a chair. She didn’t mind the lights or the uncomfortable chair or the people obviously staring. But when this ‘Barton’ reached into the jumpsuit and wrapped his finger around the IPod she scoffed.

“Don’t get too comfortable in there.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Trouble,” came that loud and proud baritone accompanied with a smirk that just looked dangerous enough to make her clench her thighs as he walked out. Damn him and SHIELD. Fucking jack-booted thugs: 1, Darcy:1.


	2. I'm Trouble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was pretty much how I wanted this to end. I definitely would write the sex scene for ya'll but I want to practice it somewhere else first so maybe you'll see a continuation with that but for now its complete
> 
> Oh and Wikipedia cites Jeremy in the music video as " a character wearing excessive eye liner." They don't know what theyre talking about. That the sexy amount of eyeliner.

Now, the agents must have thought they would scare her with their walking around with their guns but she was unimpressed. She knew they were penis-compensating guns so she didn’t feel afraid of the now small-dicked-jack-booted thugs. But that one, Barton, was sitting at a desk, reclining so only two of the chairs' legs were on the ground as his feet rested on the desk. Sexy and confident, not a gun in sight. Jesus he was hot and Darcy’s lady parts were screaming at the hotness.

When she caught his eyes, he smirked and she decided she was done being subservient and smiled back, making sure to lean over and flash the girls as she stared at him. He obviously, like any other man, was absorbed in them. She chuckled and leaned back up, sitting back in the chair as she began to think on how to talk her way out of this. Somehow, Barton managed to get the rest of the guards out and he walked into her room.

“Our normal questioning guy couldn’t be here. So I have to do it,” he said as he pulled up a chair and sat in it, strong and thighs spread as he leaned forward and stared at her, balancing his elbows on those thighs of wonder. “What are you doing here and grabbing this?” The iPod, her baby Louise, was flashed in front of her.

“It’s mine. I wanted it back”

“So you snuck into a top secret base to get it? ‘Scuse me, but that sound like grade-A bullshit,“ he said with that unimpressed look again, this time with new added eyebrow lift.

“Look! It's mine, you bastards took it from me and I came to get it back because I was never gonna get it back. Those playlists are personalized and perfect okay! And it’s not very top secret if I snuck in. I may be a little trouble but uhm, news flash you guys suck at this!” The patience thing came back to bite her in the ass as he questioned her because obviously, it was important that she got her iPod back and they had faked her out.

“Mm. I admit, it’s pretty surprising an amateur got in, but despite that you still were not supposed to come in here Miss Lewis.” Damn, he knew her name. Jig was up and time to think fast. She didn’t want any punishments S.H.I.E.L.D. could dish out.

“Oh come on!” Darcy let out a sigh then stood up slowly, so she didn’t seem like a threat. Even with the awkward hands behind her back, she walked over to him and was surprised when she was allowed to sit in his lap. Her lady parts were happy and she was trying to maybe seduce/manipulate him. “When a girl like me wants something she gets it. Where’s your penis compensating gun by the way? Seems like S.H.I.E.L.D protocol or something.”

Barton seemed amused because he had reclined when she climbed on him and had his hands resting on his thighs as he watched her with a twinkle in his eye. Oh that twinkle either meant really good things or really bad things. “I don’t carry a gun sweetheart. Too obvious.”

“So what do you carry?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know? I’ll give you a hint, it’s not a Taser.”

He was good, really good. She leaned forward and made sure that her breasts were poking out. “So. If you know who I am and that I’m not a threat then why won’t you let me go?” she asked actually curious in his answer because as hot as he was, she didn’t really like this place any more. And as much as she loved balancing on Barton and his thighs, she’d rather avoid jail time.

“S.H.I.E.L.D doesn't work that way little troublemaker.”

Little, where did he get lit-OH! That’s where. He definitely had both his hands planted firmly on her ass as he got up and therefore lifted her. He was definitely walking with her like that, like there was no problem. Oh no, this was not making her feel like a fucking lightweight, the gusset of her panties wasn’t reaching soaked. Not at all. Barton:1, Darcy:0. Seemed Barton had a destination in mind and when she found herself on top of the desk he’d been using as a foot stool she knew what was coming.

For some reason, she was not afraid. At some point, he’d reached back and uncuffed her, roughly of course. Maybe that was stupid, but what she’d attempted this night was probably the epitome of stupid. Stupid would be speaking and ruining this moment, but for some reason, stupid kept coming back to Darcy.

“I’m trouble, Barton.”

He seemed to stop then tilted his head to look up at her. He gave a small wry grin, like he knew what she meant by that. He grabbed her waist, pulling her flush against him as she sat on the desk. He slid his hands up her stomach, over her breast, around her neck to rest on the nape behind her hair. He was definitely rough-handed, but hell. She liked it. He brought his face closer to hers and murmured into her ear:

“Well then I like trouble in my town.”

Well. Can’t mess with that logic. Maybe S.H.I.E.L.D punishments weren't so bad.


End file.
